Therapy Out Kickboxing In

This last year has brought on many huge changes in my life. Mid-life crisis could be to blame but whatever the case, its all for the better. I'm in the process of divorce. I've been married to Mr Wrong for 23 years and been with him for 25 years. During that 23 years of marriage, I've been pregnant or breastfeeding for 21 years. This is the first time I don't have a baby in my womb or at least one in diapers. (try putting THAT on a resume) Along with the decision to divorce, I have relocated to Jerusalem. There is more work available here, more options for education and community for my children. Being in Jerusalem and living without a car, means I'm walking a lot more. And after 23 years of being pregant, excercise is definetly needed. In my quest to get myself in shape, I thought I'd take on some sort of sport or gym membership. A recent ad on FB for women's only kickboxing classes sounded appealing. I envisioned punching bags hanging from a gym ceiling and me unleashing 25 years of pent up pain. Yes this new therapy sounded delightful! I registered for the class, all week long anticipating a few wild kicks and punches at that bag. To my surprise the studio filled up quickly with more than 20 strong healthy-looking young women. My kind instructor assured me that I was free to go at a level 1 pace. But where were the punching bags? And please tell me I don't have to spar with Miss Rambo over there! The fact that walking two blocks makes me winded was intimidating enough, but to put a 40 yr old woman in a room full of youngins was painful indeed. I began to make mental notes...."next time I'll wear a PADDED sports bra!" Oh yes I do indeed have an once upon a time two pack, but sadly it now covers my once upon a time 6 pack! Gravity takes on new meaning after 7 children! I began to think signing up for a seniors class would have been wiser! I found the room a bit cold so I was thankful when we began warm ups with some stretching. As Miss Fresh Out of College next to me is grunting and reaching for the floor I think, "oh yeah, here is where 23 years of picking up legos is a benefit." ha.... I touch the floor and look over with a sympathetic wink. hell yeah... little confidence creeping in...and I go palms down! The music was motivating and we began bouncing, tapping, kicking, punching into the air, with moves my muscles hadn't known before. Our instructor gave us encouragement and we all kept up in unison like a well oiled machine. "This is fun, I can do this!" After a few more minutes of highly intensive excercise, the adreniline kicks in..."oh yeah, I am WOMAN hear me ROAR!" Then ten minutes more and those 40 year old thoughts crept in..."Oh God don't let my bladdar fail me now" ....10 minutes more and I begin to have flashbacks of transition phase labor..."&^*^%*&$*$@@/!!!!!!!!!" Epidural now please! Reaching deep into my memory files for scenes from motivating movies; Dirty Dancing...naaa....Fame...(you gotta be old to remember that one)...Supersize me? ....naa...."God. HELP. me!" prayer seemed to help a bit. "Blessed Are You Oh Lord my God who created my body to survive this day!" Ten minutes more and I was looking at the clock with desperation.... "ad matie?" How much longer? A devil crept up on one shoulder..." Stop this madness, you have children, you could DIE of a heart attack!" Angel on the other shoulder..."you can do it, you are young, you are healthy, you need to get in shape" pee.... that was peee.... "*&^(^*% "I have just peed on myself. Now let's just hope it blends in with the sweat!" Mental note number two, "wear a diaper next class!" f...*&^(%&$% K! "smile, don't let them know you are near death... omg is that me who stinks? Yep! I'm HOT, ripping my clothes off sounds good about now! I begin to repent for every bowl of ice cream and chocolate chip cookie I've ever eaten" Finally. Its. Over. I survived. I thank my instructor who is full of praise. I kindly smile and tell her "yes I've just burned off every twinkie since kindergarten" I realize that in just one hour of kickboxing, I cured everything my therapist couldn't in one year! Counseling out, kickboxing in. I left feeling most victorious....until the next morning.

Tish B'Av 2012

When we look back over the history of this date the 9th of Av...it all begins with a negative report of Israel. I'm not saying we brought on our own destruction of the temple, just saying that certainly our negative speech affects Hashem to the very core. This year someone challanged us to take a 40 day speech diet and only speak positively of Israel for the 40 days leading up to today the 9th of Av. I took up the challenge but I did't quite stay with the program. Our son's trial had gone well. (see previous blog post) Just days after recieving word that the case was again closed, it was reopened again for a third time. This time the army warned, they would make sure to throw the book at him. Today as I fast I am praying for righteousness to be restored in the land, in the military, in the government, in the phone companies, the ministry of transportation, in the mechanic shops, etc. I prayed today that the "holy" land would indeed again be holy.... be set apart from all other nations. I pray that there would be no need to worry about reports of giants in the land. That report wasn't a false report by the way....it isn't about truth...its about perspective. I pray one day there would be no more giants! Maybe this is how Hashem feels when we transgress against the torah....does He feel like I do now?. Like a bride whose groom has totally let her down? I thought I was in covenant with Israel....and that I'd be blessed in the land. But by this case being opened again, I feel so betrayed. Maybe we have to taste this bitter betrayal......swallow this completely unfair pill....because its what we have coming to us as a nation. Sure Tim isn't guilty....he's as righteous as can be.....one of the top soldiers this army could have ever asked for....but isn't that what we are as Israel? The suffering servant? Innocent sheep going to slaughter. It isn't fair that the Olympics wouldn't state Jerusalem as our capitol, it isn't fair that they wouldn't give one minute of silence for our murdered athletes in Munich... it isn't fair that mothers lose night after night of sleep because their sons are in danger as they try to protect and serve their country, their people, their God. It isn't fair that our enemies are given more rights that the victims! but there is no word for "no fair" in hebrew....and hey, that isn't fair either! So to sum up my thoughts on Tish B'Av...I feel that this time of repetative sorrow and grief is irrepairable. It is who we are, and why we are here and is unavoidable. yes speaking positively of Israel is vital...its a mitzvah that does help justify the bad reports from the past and from my own present. HaShem forgive me for my negative reports of the land and help me to speak positive even when life isn't fair. I believe the temple will be rebuilt with the help of our speaking good reports of the land.

Ten Minute Pity Parties

There have been times since coming to Israel, that I've been ready to pack up and head back to Egypt (America) while missing my leeks and garlic. I call them my ten minute pity parties. I spend a few brief tears whining about all I left behind and all I miss and all I hate about Israel. Usually I vent to God, to my husband, to my friends, or whoever will listen. Then its off my chest and I'm back to waving my Israeli flag and singing patriotic praises! Over time these pity parties have lessened. I've missed much less from America and my "miss list" has gotten smaller. I've adapted quite well despite not being fluent yet in Hebrew. Then just as I thought I'd fully adapted...I got hit with the biggest pity party yet! I was so close to closing the door on Israel all together. Its left me with a most bitter aftertaste in my mouth that won't go away. This ten minute pity party has turned into a ten day pity party. I'm an optimist by nature and don't like the negative funk I've been in and can't seem to shake it off. It started when our son, an IDF soldier was in a hummer accident. Our son is an over-the -top excellent soldier, having been given 5 soldier of excellence awards! He was nominated for a very high honor, before he had this hummer accident. I've watched him put his blood, sweat, and tears into this country. I have watched him suffer and still go the extra miles for his love of Israel and because of his loyalty. He has sacrificed and given with every fiber of his being. Never complaining or taking gimilim, never quitting when he could have walked away. (army Dr gave him the chance to get out completely due to his health problems) He stayed the course and crossed the finish line. Many would agree that "Tzadik" would be a fair description of him! So after the investigation of the hummer accident, it was determinned that our son was without fault and the case was closed. Sadly his award was demoted due to the mark on his record, but he was still given a very high honor for the entire Homefront Command by the commanding general! The army has recognized his accomplishments! Living in Israel has painfully taught me to deal with corrupt beauacracy and inconveniences beyond the normal human capacity for patience! But the army is now reopening the case and charging my son with crimes! It has pushed me beyond my level of tolerance and I have not gotten off the pity party train since the charges were made! My son who has given his all and more, is now being faced with losing his driver's license and living with a horrible mark on his record. The army is not providing him with defense and our legal fees will not be returned even if he wins the case. His trial is only a month away and we can't come up with the $10,000 for a lawyer! He was offered a plea bargin that he first turned down but is now considering! My son is willing to lie and say he was "guilty" even after being proven innocent in the first trial because he's been put between a rock and a hard place. The army needs a "guilty" plea to get money from the insurance to cover the cost of repairs on the hummer. So despite countless awards from the army, now the army repays his service with threats and trials. This is the thanks his country, his military gives him? The stress and unjustice of it all makes me want to pack and never look back! So just as I'm looking at one way flight fares, news from America crosses my screen and it isn't much prettier there. I chose the lesser of all evils and decide to stay here in Israel, but our son talks of leaving and settling back in America. He's so hurt and feels betrayed. He's just given 3 and a half years of his life to a country that thanks him by giving him an unfair mark on his near perfect record. If they take his driver's license, even if they don't...he has to live with this on his record forever. Not to mention the stress it has put him under. I spent no less than 3 hours yesterday making copies of papers and going from one lawyer to another. It has consumed us! He has saved the army far more than the 100,000 NIS in damages to that hummer! He has repaired vehicles, repaired fences, repaired equipment, gotten vehicles unstuck that other drivers got stuck, he has cleaned up bases and planted flowers using his own money to buy flowers! He has donated equipment and supplies, painted with his own paint, etc etc. He's lost sleep and served on days or nights off. He's skipped meals and showers and worked sick and injured. I could go on and on. He signed on more time after his required service because he knew they desperately need combat drivers. And what a horrible shock after all this in three and a half years, to be leaving the army with a trial that cuts to the deepest part of his heart...his driver's license. This isn't just taking his priveledge to drive, it is making it very difficult for him to get a job as a driver, or a job anywhere for that matter. If its God's will for my son to return to America, so be it. But I'd much rather it be with a sweet taste in his mouth of Israel and not a bitter one. I'd much rather him be running to something and not from something. Either way, I'll miss him so very much. I'm not sure when this pity party will end if ever.

Pasach 2012

Its not that I don't have much to write about, its just that I haven't had the urge to write (or the time). Life has taken on a new season for me working full time. I am doing photography (night shifts) and finding little time to express my thoughts in my blog.
Since our Pasach seder was so much fun I thought I should write about it before it becomes a blurr in my fading memory. We were privileged to host our own small seder this year. I say small because had we invited all that we wanted to, it would have been too huge for our home. So we kept it to a very small 11 total! Nehemia, Liat, Miri, Marjorie, and our family minus our two sons and one daughter in law.

Our 12 yr old had found a grasshopper earlier in the day and we thought it would make a nice centerpiece seeing as we'd be mentioning the locusts plauges. Nehemia had always wanted to eat a grasshopper seeing as they are kosher according to Lev 11. We were happy to assist, though none of us wanted to help him eat it, just cook it! ;) you can view the video here... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hV4YvcZwKJY&list=UUkqhS_k151eQ0EVc_S4QwDQ&index=1&feature=plcp

After the excitement of the grasshopper appetizer, we all sat down and began the seder. But wait...a knock at the door...could it be Elijah? But I'd forgotten to set a plate for him. Yes indeed, the stranger at the door just happened to be named Elijah! He was lost and looking for the synagogue! What timing! We pointed him in the right direction and got quite the laugh out of that.

The weekend included some wonderful conversations, bible study, waaaay too much food, including those indulgent things like matzah smores, and lots of l'chaim! (wine)

I returned to work on Sunday evening to find all my tourists were in Jerusalem and all the Jerusalemites had flocked to the lake (Sea of Galilee). I have spent the last few nights quite amuzed at all their spring break partying. In particular I've been entertained by their mirror gazing. I have a mirror set up on the promenade where I take photos. But if I had a shekel for each time someone used that mirror, I'd be rich! Didn't realize how vain we Israelis can be. Its not the occassional mirror gaze. Its that "I am sexy and I know it" mirror vanity that has been cracking me up. My neighboring vendors and myself have gotten quite a few laughs as they stop and pose. If only I had a hidden camera behind that mirror! or a speaker ..."that color lipstick is not for you!" or "yes, your tatoo is still there, the sunburn didn't hide it" ....or how about..."PUT SOME CLOTHES ON!" can't wait to start that candid camera tv show in hebrew!

Last night after toting all my portable studio equiptment upstairs to my storage place, I drug my aching body across town to where I'd parked and fought the spring break traffic for a full 20 min. What normally takes 2 min took 20. While stuck in bumper to bumper, door to door, 4 lanes turned to 6 lanes traffic, I realized part of the hold up wasn't just congestion by volume but by a large scene in Tiberias' heaviest traffic area and busiest bus stop. The scene was the "unattended bag" call at the bus stop. An unattended bag here usually means a bomb. Not sure if this was the case but the robots were called in to detonate. As we slowly inched by, traffic came to a stop. There I sat, my son and myself, within meters of the unattended bag. The only thing in between us was a police van or two. Part of me was too tired to care, part of me wanted traffic to keep moving so I could get as far away as possible. A prayer or two later and we were within safe distance away. I began to think of the stress of the job the bomb sapper might have. Wondered if it would be my daughter's teacher's son who is a "sapper". Wondered how does that woman sleep at night?

Arriving home relieved to find my family all safe and sound, my oldest announces he thinks he'll join the SWAT team. Oh joy. Just when I thought I could breathe a sigh of relief. Then I remember the reason for the season... celebrating that our God is bigger than the Sea and nothing will be in His way of bringing His people home to His land. Remembering the miracles that took place before, and continue now.

Silly me, how vain to look in that mirror and think its all about me. We Israelis can be that way sometimes.

Long Live Israel

We are just days away from our oldest son returning to the IDF. He'll sign on 5 more months. The position is a combat driver on the Gaza border on an emergency crew and doing regular patrols. I suppose after 3 years of mandatory service, it will feel good for him to finally have a paying position. I'm trying to have peace about it, and to a certain degree I do have peace. I remember when we made the decision to move to Israel, someone said that we could die here in Israel. And I thought, 'people die everyday in America too.' So I suppose again I could ease my own mind a bit to think that my son could die doing any other occupation. The fact that he's chosen to defend our country gives me great pride. I pray that no harm comes to him or any of the other soldiers here. And if I weren't a mother, I'd likely join the IDF myself! We are a small country, and our enemies are many. Of course the fact that our country and army are small gives way for God himself to receive the glory for the very existance of Israel. We only exist because God chooses to give us that privilege. As long as He chooses for us to continue, what have we to fear? So, to the Goliath monster nations who are waving their fists and shouting "death to Israel", I say, as a little shepherd boy once did, "I come to you in the name of יהוה the God of Israel" With my son, brave as King David himself, on the borders, I think we can all sleep a little safer. Thankfully he has the same great faith as David, and with that he knows that it is his Mighty Merciful Creator that defends Israel, defends him and his fellow soldiers. Chai Israel Chai!

Israel has aged me!

Today was a historic moment in my life. I found my first two gray hairs. Now to some this might seem trivial...but it hit me hard. I didn't take it so well. Literally the first thought that came to my mind was that having a son in combat did this!

I had a difficult childhood. Some very traumatic events left me spending most of my life trying to forget things. Now that's all behind me and I find my self trying to remember things. I swear my memory has stayed in America. Between losing my memory and finding gray hair, the aches and pains in my body, I really don't feel 39 anymore!

We are on the countdown until our son finishes his mandatory 3 years of service. Today is day 50. Fifty days left til we intend to celebrate his freedom. As I was celebrating in my mind today, and thinking that maybe this will slow down the growth of gray hairs on my head, my son calls to give us the news he is considering signing on longer. I could see the hair turning gray before my eyes as he spoke! With my poker face and encouraging voice, I don't let on that inside I'm screaming 'NOOOOO!'
I tell him to pray about it and think it through....and don't sign anything until someone nuetral has read it. I get off the phone and pray. What can I do? God's will be done in his life despite what I want. What's a few more sleepless nights on my knees anyway? That's just part of motherhood. And so the struggle continues. Even though I feel like someone just rained on my parade...Israel is thirsty and dry....so bring on the rain.

How can I sleep tonight?

Our son that is in the IDF, was given a day at home before all the "activity" was expected with the votes coming in for a PA state. Doesn't matter if the international community voted for or against...we were sure the Palestinians would be acting like...well...Palastinians. Any excuse to throw a rock. And so it is, that even though the world was discussing the fate of Israel today, and votes pouring in in favor of the Palestinians....the Palestinians were shooting Israeli cars, stoning our infants with one in critical condition after the 16 mo old was hit in the head by a rock...and countless other incidents today. Our son returned to base just over 48 hours ago...and he has laid down to rest for less than 3 short hours.

For those of us in the north, it was just another normal day. Kids came home from school and rushed off to play with friends, or do homework, or go to Karate lessons. My husband worked a full 10 hours while I worked 4hours with my 2 yr old in tow. And while we went about our normal activities, my mind kept returning to what my son might be doing. I checked the news periodically. At one point he called breathless to say, "turn on the news" but of course he couldn't tell me what was happening on the phone.

Later in the day as the sun went down, my children sang and played piano, others doing homework and husband reading the news on the internet. As I washed the dinner dishes I wondered how we could go on acting so normal while I knew many were in battle or in danger. I wondered how the residents in Jewish villages in Judea and Samaria could sleep tonight. I wondered how would I sleep tonight knowing my son can't. Sleep is a luxury that those who watch over Israel can't afford.

My son told me how going from one incident to another to another he and his commander were nodding off. The adrenaline was gone and they were beyond exhausted. He managed to catch a nap only to wake up not knowing how long he'd slept, where he was, how he got there, what day it was or if it was morning or evening. Took him an hour to get his bearings. As he was telling me how strange it was to be that exhausted, an emergency call came in "gotta go" click. and so I go back to doing the dishes...while I know my son is rushing off to who knows what.

Almost seems wrong to act so normal...yet this is our new normal, and life goes on and we have to keep living. As they say, praise the Lord now pass the amo. We pray, we defend, and we keep living. I could stay up all night on my knees ...crying into a pillow because I'm worried about my son. Or I can suck it up, muster up my strength, tuck the kids in and... sleep. Someone has to take care of the other children, and I'll be no good to them if I don't. "He Who watches over Israel never slumbers or sleeps" this applies to the IDF (mothers and loved ones of the IDF) as well as YHVH God Almighty. Think I'll give Him the nightshift tonight.

Eighty-four days and counting

With talk of war buzzing in the air, its hard to have great expectations. But still I pray, and hope, and .... count! There are 84 days left til my first born son finishes his service in the IDF (Israel defense forces) God willing. Tzahal stands for צה"ל Tzavah stands for army ... haganah stands for defense force,....L'Israel (for Israel).

Its quite likely we'll have plenty to pray about these last 84 days. With an upcoming vote in the UN in Sept concerning the division of Jerusalem to make a Palestinian state. Of course it is the prayer of all Israelis to keep our beloved Jerusalem undivided. It seems absurd to us that the international community would pressure us to divide our capitol and Holy City of David. We've shared it from the beginning with all faiths and people.

With this mounting pressure,comes the expectation that there will be a fight on our hands in the near future to stand our ground and hold our land. Yesterday our son was given special training for these expected conflicts. It puzzled me that with less than 3 months of service left, they are giving them such intense training. I'm thankful for the training, and I pray that our army will be well prepared and equipped. Mostly I pray there will not be loss of life and no loss of land. I pray that our economy and government hold up strongly in the days ahead. I continue to pray, and count.

If Rocking Chairs Could Talk

I have a favorite rocking chair. When I was pregnant with my 4th child 12 years ago, we got an unfinished wood rocking chair. We stained it and sealed it with a clear coat. It wasn't special and I didn't imagine that it would last this long but it's nearly good as new. This chair has rocked many hours. It has had at least 6 homes and traveled more than 7000 miles. Its rocked countless babies and comforted hundreds of guests. Its arms have held mine up during sleepless nights with nursing newborns, sick or injured toddlers, and scared orphans from afar.

If this chair could tell us stories, we'd likely find a world of adventures in its 12years lifetime. This chair has felt my tears, heard my prayers, held the weight of many children in my lap for a storybook. It has survived two wars and one tornado. It has enjoyed views from porches in the Amish country, and now faces Jerusalem the Holy City for my morning prayers. If this chair could talk, it would no doubt tell us how it has served faithfully to so many.

Some might think its silly to think that a chair could have stories, but I think everything has a story. And someday I'd like to write down the history, the stories that this chair has. It might get passed on to one of my children and grandchildren and this beloved chair will share even more adventures with them. This chair may not have a voice but it has a special place in my heart.

Milestones

February 27th we began our journey to Israel. We arrived Feb 28th, 2006, 5 years ago! Reflecting on it all is rather sobering. When I think of all the challanges of acclimating, the trials we endured, the transformations we've gone through, and what we have learned, it is numbing. I read an article recently that stated 50% of North American new immigrants to Israel, return within the first 5 years. I don't know if that information is accurate, but I wouldn't doubt it considering I have seen more people come and go than stay. And I can't count the number of times I myself have wanted to leave. Though I am fully grateful to the Almighty that we've been given the privilege to stay. Despite all my protests and complaints, God in His goodness has allowed us to enjoy the bad with the good, and not return to the mudpits of Egypt! Baruch Atah Yehovah!

Learn Hebrew with Pictures and Audio ( English - Hebrew Dictionary )

Learn Hebrew with Pictures and Audio ( English - Hebrew Dictionary )

All is vanity

Today my 11yr old son was sitting at the computer in the living room, with his hand raised. He then realized he was not in school, and no teacher was coming to answer the question he had about what was puzzling him. It gave me a chuckle but then I realized I am like a child sitting in a room with no teacher, with my hand in the air, waiting for answers. We are trained for years that someone has an answer to our problems, and simply raising our hand brings forth an answer. Instead of searching, and researching, instead of digging, studying, weighing out facts and seperating fiction, we take someone else's word as truth.

It reminds me of the scene in Fiddler on the Roof when Tevia is hearing an argument between a young liberal and an old conservative; "You know he is right" and then to the other, "and he is also right" but one interjects, "they can't both be right" to which Tevia says, "you know you are also right". I've been swamped with commentaries and debates and books. I see that he is right and he is right.

I think its time I put my hand down.

I don't want a bandaid. I want the cure! I don't want square pegs to fit in circle holes just because they can be made to fit. I want real truth. Real facts that line up and fit, not because I make them fit, or someone else did, but because its what is right.

When we came to Israel we thought we had "arrived" at some place of spiritual completeness. I soon realized that this was just the beginning and we had alot to learn. That process is only in its early phases. Each stage we go through teaches us that we have even more to learn, and we will never have "arrived". Israel continues to be our teacher. My mind, spirit, being, continue to be transformed by the many lessons offered in living life here.

As wise King Solomon teaches us; all is vanity. Ecclesiastes 12:12 And further by these, my son be admonished; of making many books there is no end; and much study is a weariness of the flesh. Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter; Fear God, and keep His commandments; for this is the whole duty of man. For God shall bring every work into judgement with every secret thing, whether it be good or whether it be evil.

Don't Sweat the Small Stuff

My Adventures in Israel By Devorah Burnet Don't Sweat the Small Stuff When we first moved to Israel I was less than impressed with the ediquette, or lack of it, in this culture. I can remember being cut off on the road in Nashville, TN and dwelling on it, obsessing over it for days. I would call my friend and tell them the whole story, with drama and animation, about how I nearly lost my life on the road, that it was a miracle we survived. But in a 15 minute drive to the supermarket in Israel, you can experience the same drama no less than a handful of times, and not think twice about it as you are waiting in line to pay for your groceries. The fact that a man just came within inches of taking out your car or your life, and everyone else's, without looking at any of you, as if you weren't there and he owns the road, is completely forgotten by the time you are having an argument with the guy trying to convince you that his agalah (supermarket buggy) should be in front of yours because he placed it near the line while he left to finish his shopping. And by the time you are putting your groceries in the car, you have forgotten all about the grocery line argument, because someone is honking at you to put your kids and groceries in the car faster so he can have your parking spot and agalah. After several near death experiences on the way home, you've forgotten about the person hurrying you out of your parking spot while you stop for gas only to have to wait 3.8 minutes for the man in front of you to double park on the road chatting with someone on his cell phone, causing you to veer into oncoming traffic, scattering cars all over the road of which you don't even notice. Upon returning home, your spouse asks "how was your day?" and you say, "lovely, uneventful, I was happy to find a legal place to park and I found an agalah with three wheels, I only pulled 5 muscles and got one hernia while pushing it" you respond with a smile. "Oh and by the way, no rockets landed near us either and the lines were short, we got out of there in less than two hours without giving anyone a black eye." Israel has a way of helping people get over theirselves. It puts things into perspective and helps us to not sweat the small stuff. I no longer take offense to what others think or say or do. Miracles are a daily occurance and when someone cuts you off or takes your place in line, you laugh it off and let it go. Its forgotten ten minutes later because there are more battles ahead. I noticed a favorite word of many Israelis (in English) is "nevermind". It reminds me of a book I read some years ago called The Right Words at the Right Time. There was a story in the book about the song "Let it Be". Paul McCartney's mother was named Mary and her words of wisdom were "Let it be" I've often found myself singing that song in Israeli traffic. Recently I was thinking about the divisions and splintering of religious or political groups. How in the past in America, when my spiritual or political toes got stepped on, or my political car got run off the road, I'd call a friend to vent about the drama, reliving every detail and obsessing over it for weeks. Funny how Israeli traffic and lack of social graces can cure you of such offenses. Seems Israel has taught me to not sweat the small stuff anymore. Personally, I really don't care anymore what political party you support, what religion you are, or if you agree with my zealous passionate zionist agenda. I really love you no matter what. And guess what, I even love the Palestinians! Turns out that guy double parked on the road holding up traffic while talking on his cell phone was my next door neighbor who I joyfully waved to upon pulling up to the house with my groceries. And the guy with his buggy in line was my arab friend who works at the bakery. Its a different world here. Israeli system of government is based on parliamentary democracy. With 120 parliament members representing over two dozen parties! Israel's elected Prime Minister represents the majority party. So rather than the "us against them" mentality often seen in the states (republicans vs. democrats) we can have 20 friends all voting for more than 20 parties! And in the end all that really matters is that we are all on the same side fighting the same war. And when we are on the front lines, it won't matter that my brother on my right or my sister on my left, belonged to the same political party or not. It won't matter that yesterday he cut me off in traffic or took my place in line. Truth is, I won't even notice those small things. Because when all hell breaks loose, and it will, all that matters is the bigger picture. I often get a chuckle now out of reading American news. People suing for this or protesting about that. In one aspect the middle east can bring on a new kind of stress, but at the same time, I find I get my feathers ruffled a lot less. Israel has one of the highest life expectancies. Israeli teens are among the happiest in the world. Our economy, health, and education stats are off the charts in comparison to most. Sometimes being in "survival mode" can allow us to shed the stuff that just doesn't matter. I'll leave you with this joke... What happens when a fly falls into a coffee cup? The Italian - throws the cup and walks away in a fit of rage The Frenchman - takes out the fly, and drinks the coffee The Chinese - eats the fly and throws away the coffee The Israeli - sells the coffee to the Frenchman, the fly to the Chinese, buys himself a new cup of coffee and uses the extra money to invent a Device that prevents flies from falling into coffee. or this one... A reporter asks 4 men in NY about the recent meat shortage, "Excuse me...What's your opinion on the meat shortage?" The American says: What's a shortage? The Russian says: What's meat? The Chinese man says: What's an opinion? The Israeli says: What's "Excuse me"?.....

Motherhood

My day began with the usual quiet time of prayer in the dark quiet hours of early morning, then snuggling moments with a toddler and 5 year old. Then I raced around to get the 4 younger ones dressed, breakfast, lunches packed, teeth brushed, vitamins taken, stuffing homework into backpacks and finding shoes and jackets. Then I rushed one off to kindergarten and ran errands downtown. Bank, post office, grocery store, etc. I returned home realizing I hadn't eaten breakfast and it was near lunch time. I ran around the kitchen stuffing chips in my mouth as I put away groceries. Midway through cleaning the fridge, and putting away groceries, and cooking part of tonight's supper, my two year old spilled a cup of juice. As I was midway through cleaning the juice, the phone rang. I finished the phone conversation to find my two year old had emptied the book shelf of all the photo albums. It was past noon when I hadn't finished the groceries, cleaning the fridge, eating lunch, cooking supper, doing the dishes, or folding the 7 unfolded loads of laundry. About this time, I began to rethink my opinion of legalizing marijuana! Determined to get something accomplished, I handed my son a rag and showed him how much fun it was to wipe up the juice while we danced and sang "you are my sunshine". Yes, just call me the wiping queen!

Motherhood has given me more joy in my life than words can say. I've been privileged to have been mothering for the last 20+ years. Being pregnant and/or breastfeeding for 18 of those 20 years has been more fulfilling (excuse the pun) than I'd ever dreamed. Always with a babe in arms, or snuggled at my side in bed, it has been a lovely chapter in my life of which I'm so thankful.

In these last 20 years I've changed over 25,000 diapers, wiped dirty bottoms thousands of times, wiped thousands of tears, wiped thousands of runny noses, wiped blood, vomit and spills. Could write a book of funny stories. Have been given thousands of kisses and hugs, a thousand pictures on my fridge, kissed countless boo boos, said tens of thousands of prayers. I've lost thousands of hours of sleep but gained thousands of days of laughter and love. I've learned more from my children than I've taught, and surely have much more to learn.

I've danced with my children, cried with them, learned with them, fought with them, triumphed together over challenges, I've hurt with them and for them, I've sacrificed my time, my own desires, my sleep, my figure, my favorite places and hobbies. I've watched them grow, mature, get married, step out into the unknown spread their wings and fly into new territories. I've watched them fall down, and get back up. I've watched them wrestle with the world, wrestle with their own faith, building their own convictions. I've sensed their passions as they set out to conquer goals.

Motherhood must be more entertaining than any hollywood movie and more rewarding than any university degree. I've reached highs that no drug could ever give!

When I look at all the turns my life could have made. All the paths I might have taken, I think of all I would have missed. My life is rich. Its been good and keeps getting better. The story isn't near over. It must be in the thick of the drama...the suspense...the mystery...the wonder...the awe.... I am blessed! I love my life and the God who gives me the privilege to live it!

Wrestling with God

In our 4.5 years here in Israel, we've found it to be quite challanging. Thankfully we came with the mindset that it wouldn't be easy, that we were not coming here for a cushy life, and were prepared for the worse. The fact that we were "psyched" for the battle, made us put everything that came our way, in perspective, better than we'd expected. However, it has been a battle. And we've seen so many come and go. I've struggled with wanting to leave more times than I can count. All this time though, I've had it all wrong. I thought I was wrestling with the enemy who didn't want us here. I thought we were against the advasary.

Recently while going through another round in the ring, I thought, this time I'm not going down! One of those many sleepless nights on my knees/face crying out to God, He showed me something. Israel means to wrestle with God. It was if God opened my eyes to a new perspective on Israel. Before Jacob returned to Israel to make things right with his brother, he had to wrestle a long and painful battle with God Himself! Before the Israelites could return to Israel after their years in slavery, in Egypt, they had to wander in the wilderness. For every Exodos, there's been a "rights of passage" ritual of sorts. When Jacob limped away from that wrestling with God, it changed the name of who we are forever....we wrestle with God.

Its a known fact that it is no easy thing to become Israeli. Blame it on who you will; Ministry of Interior, beaurocratic red tape, spiritual warfare or whoever. I now believe it is all about wrestling with God. And I think it is all good! Anything fought for is appreciated. And we have something to prove. How bad do we want it? What will we sacrifice for it? Will you give up or look God in the eye and say " I won't quit until You bless me!"

I'm not sure how many times God will ask me to step back into the ring. For now, He's blessed me and given me a time of rest! Baruch HaShem! I'm limping but dancing for joy all the same! Blessed are You oh Lord my God Who in Your great Mercy and Love, have brought me into the Land of Israel.

When is it War?

I never paid attention to civics class in school. It bored me. Thought it was one of those subjects I'd never need later in life. Politics and government scared me so I learned enough temporary information to pass. Now I find myself regretting that and as many of us, wishing I'd paid more attention in class. So please forgive my ignorance if I appear to be...well....ignorant. But when do you call it war? Is there a quota of deaths before it is politically correct to call it war? Is there a measure of rockets or retaliation that qualifies fighting between nations before it is officially war?

I mean are we at war or aren't we? We have phosphorus scuds flying over, and into our cities, but so far this "not war yet" hasn't been given a name. As long as Hillary is being entertained in Jerusalem and the media fed its daily ration of fake food for thought, there isn't any titles to this madness. They continue their piece talks as though there were no real offense being taken on our soil. Is this the response they give to our desire for peace? More blood shed? The bodies of those slain just two weeks ago are barely cold and yet they sadly seem to be forgotten by many.

Just what is there to talk about? More land, no peace. More wounded and dead. We give more, they take more. Still no peace.

They still have Gilead Schallit...God bless his soul! Why didn't we keep fighting until he was back home? Why did we ever stop hitting back? They break UN resolutions, cease fires, and commit war crimes but that goes virtually unreported.

There seems to be only One mediator that can put a stop to these...wars and rumors of war. Until He comes, we wait, we pray, we hope.

Torn between two worlds

Most days I don't miss America. I might miss friends or family. I might (on rare occasion)miss the lush green rolling hills and forrests of TN. I miss water...rivers, ponds, rain. Sometimes I miss communication ease, the news or radio, or phone tasks in english. ok....I can't convince myself or you that I don't miss it...I do. That doesn't mean I am not happy here though. I love my life here in Israel dispite the challanges.

Our second oldest son Tyler, and his wife Leeraz, will be soon flying over the ocean to America. This will be her first time there. She was granted a one year visa. He intends to work for Michael Rood. I am excited for them to have this opportunity. Yet, I also know I will miss them. In telling my daughter in law what to expect, I realized that I do miss my friends and family, etc. (ssshhhh...I even miss Walmart! ) But the grief I have to see the country decline politically, morally, and economically makes me miss it a little less.

Recently the financial strain became so heavy that I found myself slipping into a temporary insanity moment of actually considering returning to America. I reasoned that we could work there much easier; we know the language, have skills, familiar with the culture. Gas wouldn't be $7 a gallon, cars are cheaper, insurance cheaper, and if my electric were about to be turned off I could still function. My mind began to toy with the idea of ease of life for us and the children, and the joy of being with loved ones. My tastebuds began to beg for Cracker Barrel. I could smell the wide open green hay fields of TN...I could see the faces of those I miss so much. I could hear english spoken everywhere and fully understood! sigh...for just a brief moment..I was back in my familiar comfort zone.

Then I snapped back into reality. I repented for shaking my fist at God and for complaining and crying the woe is me, to my generous and merciful Almighty Father. I call them ten minute pity parties. I warned my husband after we moved to the amish community, that if things got rough, and I had a pity party...just ignore me and I'd get over it. I did. And again I warned him this would happen here in Israel, and it has. I'm thankful he is wise in how he deals with me. And with how HE deals with me. Truth is, its rough everywhere. And if I have to suffer here or there, I'd chose here. I have a feeling that putting things into perspective, from what the prophesies predict...we are all in for much more suffering than most of us have ever known. So things just got a little brighter by keeping that in mind.

And anyway, now we are so mixed up...living in the land for 4.5 years has my children all fully reading writing and speaking in hebrew. Sometimes they have to struggle for a word in english. If we returned for any significant amount of time, it would be reverse culture shock on them! and Tim...what about Tim who still has 1.5 years of army left? naaa...wouldn't work to go back now. Thankfully I can talk myself out of it.

so what are we now? Israeli or American? When asked by the Israeli government, to write an explanation of why we wanted to make aliyah I emphasized that we intended to become Israeli, not Americans living in Israel. I think to some degree, this has become true. Even with the hardships, even for me not speaking the language, if you asked me the question, I'd say yes, I feel very Israeli. Even with all I miss or all we've suffered...it still feels right....still feels like home.

Genesis 12:1 Now get thee out of thy country from thy kindred, and go to a place that I will show you...

The Army calls

Arena our nearly 17 yr old daughter, has received her army papers. Her interview/appointment/physical is set for mid November. She will enter the army within a year and a half. With this I have (and she has) mixed feelings. When we first arrived in Israel 4 and a half years ago, we assumed our daughters would not serve in the army. Now after some time here, we see that the young women serving brings on a sense of patriotism, and also benefits the country. Personally for Arena, as a new immigrant, this will help her feel more integrated into the country, and also help polish off her new found hebrew skills.

They have many options of doing things in a godly manner. From the way they dress to how/where they serve. The young ladies can opt to do community service, and serve at a hospital or school as a volunteer. They can request a desk job, or become a combat commander (this is something I don't approve of for many reasons), or become a social worker. Arena is toying with the idea of being an army driver. This would absorb the cost of us having to send her to driving lessons. Driving courses and tests and finally the license here to drive, can amount to over $1000!

Any young woman who is married is exempt from mandatory service. Young men are required a minimum of 3 years, and young women serve for two. But if she would become married, she can leave the army. If they decide to study first, the have to give additional time in the field they chose...for example, if they study medicine, they serve additional time, paid, to be involved as a medic in the IDF. Arena is considering photography or computer graphics. If she would chose to study first, she will likely be put in the Media Dept.


Whatever she decides, can change subject to the army's needs. My prayer is that she is in a safe environment spiritually, socially and physically. I also pray that she is close to home, and can return home often. She and I have always been close. As a baby, she was nursed three and a half years, and been by my side for 4 births, cutting the cords of her younger siblings and being my postpartum nurse. We have homeschooled her. She has been my personal secretary, my babysitter, my best friend. So this time now of her leaving the nest brings me both joy and pain.

Oh and By the Way

My son, an IDF soldier in a combat unit, doesn't get to come home often. I really miss him, but I've noticed when he is home it isn't that I am with him that gives me so much peace...it is just that he is home. My heart is at peace knowing he is not on an ambush or a guard post in the West Bank. When he is home, I sleep better, relax easier, smile more, worry less, and feel less stress.
Today as we drove into town to do errands for him, we talked about what he does from day to day. It varies and changes as his unit moves around alot with many different functions. We talked about the coins he shot holes through at the shooting range, and about the food being so bad at the base, about the 100F + heat we've had this week, etc. We joked about the holes in the floor of his truck trailer they live in, having holes in it so big that someone fell through. He tells me funny stories of how exhausted they are from so little sleep, that he often talks in his sleep or guys fall asleep on thier feet.
My son has an interesting gift of being able to make light of any situation, and to joke under pressure, to make others laugh at him, or at theirselves. He is very positive and upbeat taking life as it comes, with a measure of humor. So as we joked about some of the uncomfortable things he deals with in the army, he said, "oh and by the way..." He went on to tell me how the other day, they went into one of the most very dangerous arab villages in all of Israel. They had gone in to serve arrest warrants to those who hadn't come to court. They were driving in full armoured vehicles, in full gear, with him a driver in the rear guard. Suddenly I wasn't laughing and nothing was funny. The reality hit me again, that every day I am praying, I never know just where he is, what he is doing, but that I need to be praying. I asked if there was anything interesting that happened and he said that some arab kids had thrown big rocks at them and one hit his officer but otherwise all went well. He laughed it off, and went on to talk about the food again, or lack of it.
Last night began Ramadan, the month long muslim holiday. We are often on hightened security during these times, and as the mother of a soldier, I am on full time prayer duty. We were reading the Psalms last night and came across a favorite...Psalm 121...He who watches over Israel never slumbers or sleeps... oh and by the way, this also goes for the mothers of those who watch over Israel.

He Hit Me First!

I have tried many parenting methods. I can't say any one works better than another. In all honest confession, I'm becoming much too lax these days. In the beginning, when the children had scuffles, I'd often sit them down and talk it out and get to the bottom of it, who started it, what punishment needed to be rendered, etc. Now I don't have the time or energy for a full investigation. When one child comes to me and says "he hit me" and the other says, "he hit me first" I simply say to the one crying to me, "Then case closed, you got what you deserved."

I'm here to cry to the world, (in hopes that the international community no longer has the time or energy for more investigations), that "HE HIT ME FIRST!" Israel in fact, has taken blow after blow, and one of these days, she isn't going to wait for mama UN to come and settle it. Its not news when our Negev is hit continuously with rockets from Gaza. Today Israel showed even more great restraint. Yesterday Eilat took a beating with rockets and today it is our northern borders with Lebanon. So now Lebanon cries "she hit me" to big brother UN, and I hope for once, they would just say, "so you got what you deserved!"

Its a good thing for these terrorists that I am not in charge of this army. I am afraid after all these years of scuffles, I might just run out of patience with the instigators and wipe em out. But then again, I'm waiting for an even bigger judgement....the God of Israel, (blessed be His name) will no doubt render the proper judgement at the proper time.