Therapy Out Kickboxing In

This last year has brought on many huge changes in my life. Mid-life crisis could be to blame but whatever the case, its all for the better. I'm in the process of divorce. I've been married to Mr Wrong for 23 years and been with him for 25 years. During that 23 years of marriage, I've been pregnant or breastfeeding for 21 years. This is the first time I don't have a baby in my womb or at least one in diapers. (try putting THAT on a resume) Along with the decision to divorce, I have relocated to Jerusalem. There is more work available here, more options for education and community for my children. Being in Jerusalem and living without a car, means I'm walking a lot more. And after 23 years of being pregant, excercise is definetly needed. In my quest to get myself in shape, I thought I'd take on some sort of sport or gym membership. A recent ad on FB for women's only kickboxing classes sounded appealing. I envisioned punching bags hanging from a gym ceiling and me unleashing 25 years of pent up pain. Yes this new therapy sounded delightful! I registered for the class, all week long anticipating a few wild kicks and punches at that bag. To my surprise the studio filled up quickly with more than 20 strong healthy-looking young women. My kind instructor assured me that I was free to go at a level 1 pace. But where were the punching bags? And please tell me I don't have to spar with Miss Rambo over there! The fact that walking two blocks makes me winded was intimidating enough, but to put a 40 yr old woman in a room full of youngins was painful indeed. I began to make mental notes...."next time I'll wear a PADDED sports bra!" Oh yes I do indeed have an once upon a time two pack, but sadly it now covers my once upon a time 6 pack! Gravity takes on new meaning after 7 children! I began to think signing up for a seniors class would have been wiser! I found the room a bit cold so I was thankful when we began warm ups with some stretching. As Miss Fresh Out of College next to me is grunting and reaching for the floor I think, "oh yeah, here is where 23 years of picking up legos is a benefit." ha.... I touch the floor and look over with a sympathetic wink. hell yeah... little confidence creeping in...and I go palms down! The music was motivating and we began bouncing, tapping, kicking, punching into the air, with moves my muscles hadn't known before. Our instructor gave us encouragement and we all kept up in unison like a well oiled machine. "This is fun, I can do this!" After a few more minutes of highly intensive excercise, the adreniline kicks in..."oh yeah, I am WOMAN hear me ROAR!" Then ten minutes more and those 40 year old thoughts crept in..."Oh God don't let my bladdar fail me now" ....10 minutes more and I begin to have flashbacks of transition phase labor..."&^*^%*&$*$@@/!!!!!!!!!" Epidural now please! Reaching deep into my memory files for scenes from motivating movies; Dirty Dancing...naaa....Fame...(you gotta be old to remember that one)...Supersize me? ....naa...."God. HELP. me!" prayer seemed to help a bit. "Blessed Are You Oh Lord my God who created my body to survive this day!" Ten minutes more and I was looking at the clock with desperation.... "ad matie?" How much longer? A devil crept up on one shoulder..." Stop this madness, you have children, you could DIE of a heart attack!" Angel on the other shoulder..."you can do it, you are young, you are healthy, you need to get in shape" pee.... that was peee.... "*&^(^*% "I have just peed on myself. Now let's just hope it blends in with the sweat!" Mental note number two, "wear a diaper next class!" f...*&^(%&$% K! "smile, don't let them know you are near death... omg is that me who stinks? Yep! I'm HOT, ripping my clothes off sounds good about now! I begin to repent for every bowl of ice cream and chocolate chip cookie I've ever eaten" Finally. Its. Over. I survived. I thank my instructor who is full of praise. I kindly smile and tell her "yes I've just burned off every twinkie since kindergarten" I realize that in just one hour of kickboxing, I cured everything my therapist couldn't in one year! Counseling out, kickboxing in. I left feeling most victorious....until the next morning.