Today was a historic moment in my life. I found my first two gray hairs. Now to some this might seem trivial...but it hit me hard. I didn't take it so well. Literally the first thought that came to my mind was that having a son in combat did this!
I had a difficult childhood. Some very traumatic events left me spending most of my life trying to forget things. Now that's all behind me and I find my self trying to remember things. I swear my memory has stayed in America. Between losing my memory and finding gray hair, the aches and pains in my body, I really don't feel 39 anymore!
We are on the countdown until our son finishes his mandatory 3 years of service. Today is day 50. Fifty days left til we intend to celebrate his freedom. As I was celebrating in my mind today, and thinking that maybe this will slow down the growth of gray hairs on my head, my son calls to give us the news he is considering signing on longer. I could see the hair turning gray before my eyes as he spoke! With my poker face and encouraging voice, I don't let on that inside I'm screaming 'NOOOOO!'
I tell him to pray about it and think it through....and don't sign anything until someone nuetral has read it. I get off the phone and pray. What can I do? God's will be done in his life despite what I want. What's a few more sleepless nights on my knees anyway? That's just part of motherhood. And so the struggle continues. Even though I feel like someone just rained on my parade...Israel is thirsty and dry....so bring on the rain.
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
How can I sleep tonight?
Our son that is in the IDF, was given a day at home before all the "activity" was expected with the votes coming in for a PA state. Doesn't matter if the international community voted for or against...we were sure the Palestinians would be acting like...well...Palastinians. Any excuse to throw a rock. And so it is, that even though the world was discussing the fate of Israel today, and votes pouring in in favor of the Palestinians....the Palestinians were shooting Israeli cars, stoning our infants with one in critical condition after the 16 mo old was hit in the head by a rock...and countless other incidents today. Our son returned to base just over 48 hours ago...and he has laid down to rest for less than 3 short hours.
For those of us in the north, it was just another normal day. Kids came home from school and rushed off to play with friends, or do homework, or go to Karate lessons. My husband worked a full 10 hours while I worked 4hours with my 2 yr old in tow. And while we went about our normal activities, my mind kept returning to what my son might be doing. I checked the news periodically. At one point he called breathless to say, "turn on the news" but of course he couldn't tell me what was happening on the phone.
Later in the day as the sun went down, my children sang and played piano, others doing homework and husband reading the news on the internet. As I washed the dinner dishes I wondered how we could go on acting so normal while I knew many were in battle or in danger. I wondered how the residents in Jewish villages in Judea and Samaria could sleep tonight. I wondered how would I sleep tonight knowing my son can't. Sleep is a luxury that those who watch over Israel can't afford.
My son told me how going from one incident to another to another he and his commander were nodding off. The adrenaline was gone and they were beyond exhausted. He managed to catch a nap only to wake up not knowing how long he'd slept, where he was, how he got there, what day it was or if it was morning or evening. Took him an hour to get his bearings. As he was telling me how strange it was to be that exhausted, an emergency call came in "gotta go" click. and so I go back to doing the dishes...while I know my son is rushing off to who knows what.
Almost seems wrong to act so normal...yet this is our new normal, and life goes on and we have to keep living. As they say, praise the Lord now pass the amo. We pray, we defend, and we keep living. I could stay up all night on my knees ...crying into a pillow because I'm worried about my son. Or I can suck it up, muster up my strength, tuck the kids in and... sleep. Someone has to take care of the other children, and I'll be no good to them if I don't. "He Who watches over Israel never slumbers or sleeps" this applies to the IDF (mothers and loved ones of the IDF) as well as YHVH God Almighty. Think I'll give Him the nightshift tonight.
For those of us in the north, it was just another normal day. Kids came home from school and rushed off to play with friends, or do homework, or go to Karate lessons. My husband worked a full 10 hours while I worked 4hours with my 2 yr old in tow. And while we went about our normal activities, my mind kept returning to what my son might be doing. I checked the news periodically. At one point he called breathless to say, "turn on the news" but of course he couldn't tell me what was happening on the phone.
Later in the day as the sun went down, my children sang and played piano, others doing homework and husband reading the news on the internet. As I washed the dinner dishes I wondered how we could go on acting so normal while I knew many were in battle or in danger. I wondered how the residents in Jewish villages in Judea and Samaria could sleep tonight. I wondered how would I sleep tonight knowing my son can't. Sleep is a luxury that those who watch over Israel can't afford.
My son told me how going from one incident to another to another he and his commander were nodding off. The adrenaline was gone and they were beyond exhausted. He managed to catch a nap only to wake up not knowing how long he'd slept, where he was, how he got there, what day it was or if it was morning or evening. Took him an hour to get his bearings. As he was telling me how strange it was to be that exhausted, an emergency call came in "gotta go" click. and so I go back to doing the dishes...while I know my son is rushing off to who knows what.
Almost seems wrong to act so normal...yet this is our new normal, and life goes on and we have to keep living. As they say, praise the Lord now pass the amo. We pray, we defend, and we keep living. I could stay up all night on my knees ...crying into a pillow because I'm worried about my son. Or I can suck it up, muster up my strength, tuck the kids in and... sleep. Someone has to take care of the other children, and I'll be no good to them if I don't. "He Who watches over Israel never slumbers or sleeps" this applies to the IDF (mothers and loved ones of the IDF) as well as YHVH God Almighty. Think I'll give Him the nightshift tonight.
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