Tish B'Av 2012

When we look back over the history of this date the 9th of Av...it all begins with a negative report of Israel. I'm not saying we brought on our own destruction of the temple, just saying that certainly our negative speech affects Hashem to the very core. This year someone challanged us to take a 40 day speech diet and only speak positively of Israel for the 40 days leading up to today the 9th of Av. I took up the challenge but I did't quite stay with the program. Our son's trial had gone well. (see previous blog post) Just days after recieving word that the case was again closed, it was reopened again for a third time. This time the army warned, they would make sure to throw the book at him. Today as I fast I am praying for righteousness to be restored in the land, in the military, in the government, in the phone companies, the ministry of transportation, in the mechanic shops, etc. I prayed today that the "holy" land would indeed again be holy.... be set apart from all other nations. I pray that there would be no need to worry about reports of giants in the land. That report wasn't a false report by the way....it isn't about truth...its about perspective. I pray one day there would be no more giants! Maybe this is how Hashem feels when we transgress against the torah....does He feel like I do now?. Like a bride whose groom has totally let her down? I thought I was in covenant with Israel....and that I'd be blessed in the land. But by this case being opened again, I feel so betrayed. Maybe we have to taste this bitter betrayal......swallow this completely unfair pill....because its what we have coming to us as a nation. Sure Tim isn't guilty....he's as righteous as can be.....one of the top soldiers this army could have ever asked for....but isn't that what we are as Israel? The suffering servant? Innocent sheep going to slaughter. It isn't fair that the Olympics wouldn't state Jerusalem as our capitol, it isn't fair that they wouldn't give one minute of silence for our murdered athletes in Munich... it isn't fair that mothers lose night after night of sleep because their sons are in danger as they try to protect and serve their country, their people, their God. It isn't fair that our enemies are given more rights that the victims! but there is no word for "no fair" in hebrew....and hey, that isn't fair either! So to sum up my thoughts on Tish B'Av...I feel that this time of repetative sorrow and grief is irrepairable. It is who we are, and why we are here and is unavoidable. yes speaking positively of Israel is vital...its a mitzvah that does help justify the bad reports from the past and from my own present. HaShem forgive me for my negative reports of the land and help me to speak positive even when life isn't fair. I believe the temple will be rebuilt with the help of our speaking good reports of the land.

Ten Minute Pity Parties

There have been times since coming to Israel, that I've been ready to pack up and head back to Egypt (America) while missing my leeks and garlic. I call them my ten minute pity parties. I spend a few brief tears whining about all I left behind and all I miss and all I hate about Israel. Usually I vent to God, to my husband, to my friends, or whoever will listen. Then its off my chest and I'm back to waving my Israeli flag and singing patriotic praises! Over time these pity parties have lessened. I've missed much less from America and my "miss list" has gotten smaller. I've adapted quite well despite not being fluent yet in Hebrew. Then just as I thought I'd fully adapted...I got hit with the biggest pity party yet! I was so close to closing the door on Israel all together. Its left me with a most bitter aftertaste in my mouth that won't go away. This ten minute pity party has turned into a ten day pity party. I'm an optimist by nature and don't like the negative funk I've been in and can't seem to shake it off. It started when our son, an IDF soldier was in a hummer accident. Our son is an over-the -top excellent soldier, having been given 5 soldier of excellence awards! He was nominated for a very high honor, before he had this hummer accident. I've watched him put his blood, sweat, and tears into this country. I have watched him suffer and still go the extra miles for his love of Israel and because of his loyalty. He has sacrificed and given with every fiber of his being. Never complaining or taking gimilim, never quitting when he could have walked away. (army Dr gave him the chance to get out completely due to his health problems) He stayed the course and crossed the finish line. Many would agree that "Tzadik" would be a fair description of him! So after the investigation of the hummer accident, it was determinned that our son was without fault and the case was closed. Sadly his award was demoted due to the mark on his record, but he was still given a very high honor for the entire Homefront Command by the commanding general! The army has recognized his accomplishments! Living in Israel has painfully taught me to deal with corrupt beauacracy and inconveniences beyond the normal human capacity for patience! But the army is now reopening the case and charging my son with crimes! It has pushed me beyond my level of tolerance and I have not gotten off the pity party train since the charges were made! My son who has given his all and more, is now being faced with losing his driver's license and living with a horrible mark on his record. The army is not providing him with defense and our legal fees will not be returned even if he wins the case. His trial is only a month away and we can't come up with the $10,000 for a lawyer! He was offered a plea bargin that he first turned down but is now considering! My son is willing to lie and say he was "guilty" even after being proven innocent in the first trial because he's been put between a rock and a hard place. The army needs a "guilty" plea to get money from the insurance to cover the cost of repairs on the hummer. So despite countless awards from the army, now the army repays his service with threats and trials. This is the thanks his country, his military gives him? The stress and unjustice of it all makes me want to pack and never look back! So just as I'm looking at one way flight fares, news from America crosses my screen and it isn't much prettier there. I chose the lesser of all evils and decide to stay here in Israel, but our son talks of leaving and settling back in America. He's so hurt and feels betrayed. He's just given 3 and a half years of his life to a country that thanks him by giving him an unfair mark on his near perfect record. If they take his driver's license, even if they don't...he has to live with this on his record forever. Not to mention the stress it has put him under. I spent no less than 3 hours yesterday making copies of papers and going from one lawyer to another. It has consumed us! He has saved the army far more than the 100,000 NIS in damages to that hummer! He has repaired vehicles, repaired fences, repaired equipment, gotten vehicles unstuck that other drivers got stuck, he has cleaned up bases and planted flowers using his own money to buy flowers! He has donated equipment and supplies, painted with his own paint, etc etc. He's lost sleep and served on days or nights off. He's skipped meals and showers and worked sick and injured. I could go on and on. He signed on more time after his required service because he knew they desperately need combat drivers. And what a horrible shock after all this in three and a half years, to be leaving the army with a trial that cuts to the deepest part of his heart...his driver's license. This isn't just taking his priveledge to drive, it is making it very difficult for him to get a job as a driver, or a job anywhere for that matter. If its God's will for my son to return to America, so be it. But I'd much rather it be with a sweet taste in his mouth of Israel and not a bitter one. I'd much rather him be running to something and not from something. Either way, I'll miss him so very much. I'm not sure when this pity party will end if ever.

Pasach 2012

Its not that I don't have much to write about, its just that I haven't had the urge to write (or the time). Life has taken on a new season for me working full time. I am doing photography (night shifts) and finding little time to express my thoughts in my blog.
Since our Pasach seder was so much fun I thought I should write about it before it becomes a blurr in my fading memory. We were privileged to host our own small seder this year. I say small because had we invited all that we wanted to, it would have been too huge for our home. So we kept it to a very small 11 total! Nehemia, Liat, Miri, Marjorie, and our family minus our two sons and one daughter in law.

Our 12 yr old had found a grasshopper earlier in the day and we thought it would make a nice centerpiece seeing as we'd be mentioning the locusts plauges. Nehemia had always wanted to eat a grasshopper seeing as they are kosher according to Lev 11. We were happy to assist, though none of us wanted to help him eat it, just cook it! ;) you can view the video here... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hV4YvcZwKJY&list=UUkqhS_k151eQ0EVc_S4QwDQ&index=1&feature=plcp

After the excitement of the grasshopper appetizer, we all sat down and began the seder. But wait...a knock at the door...could it be Elijah? But I'd forgotten to set a plate for him. Yes indeed, the stranger at the door just happened to be named Elijah! He was lost and looking for the synagogue! What timing! We pointed him in the right direction and got quite the laugh out of that.

The weekend included some wonderful conversations, bible study, waaaay too much food, including those indulgent things like matzah smores, and lots of l'chaim! (wine)

I returned to work on Sunday evening to find all my tourists were in Jerusalem and all the Jerusalemites had flocked to the lake (Sea of Galilee). I have spent the last few nights quite amuzed at all their spring break partying. In particular I've been entertained by their mirror gazing. I have a mirror set up on the promenade where I take photos. But if I had a shekel for each time someone used that mirror, I'd be rich! Didn't realize how vain we Israelis can be. Its not the occassional mirror gaze. Its that "I am sexy and I know it" mirror vanity that has been cracking me up. My neighboring vendors and myself have gotten quite a few laughs as they stop and pose. If only I had a hidden camera behind that mirror! or a speaker ..."that color lipstick is not for you!" or "yes, your tatoo is still there, the sunburn didn't hide it" ....or how about..."PUT SOME CLOTHES ON!" can't wait to start that candid camera tv show in hebrew!

Last night after toting all my portable studio equiptment upstairs to my storage place, I drug my aching body across town to where I'd parked and fought the spring break traffic for a full 20 min. What normally takes 2 min took 20. While stuck in bumper to bumper, door to door, 4 lanes turned to 6 lanes traffic, I realized part of the hold up wasn't just congestion by volume but by a large scene in Tiberias' heaviest traffic area and busiest bus stop. The scene was the "unattended bag" call at the bus stop. An unattended bag here usually means a bomb. Not sure if this was the case but the robots were called in to detonate. As we slowly inched by, traffic came to a stop. There I sat, my son and myself, within meters of the unattended bag. The only thing in between us was a police van or two. Part of me was too tired to care, part of me wanted traffic to keep moving so I could get as far away as possible. A prayer or two later and we were within safe distance away. I began to think of the stress of the job the bomb sapper might have. Wondered if it would be my daughter's teacher's son who is a "sapper". Wondered how does that woman sleep at night?

Arriving home relieved to find my family all safe and sound, my oldest announces he thinks he'll join the SWAT team. Oh joy. Just when I thought I could breathe a sigh of relief. Then I remember the reason for the season... celebrating that our God is bigger than the Sea and nothing will be in His way of bringing His people home to His land. Remembering the miracles that took place before, and continue now.

Silly me, how vain to look in that mirror and think its all about me. We Israelis can be that way sometimes.