Torn between two worlds

Most days I don't miss America. I might miss friends or family. I might (on rare occasion)miss the lush green rolling hills and forrests of TN. I miss water...rivers, ponds, rain. Sometimes I miss communication ease, the news or radio, or phone tasks in english. ok....I can't convince myself or you that I don't miss it...I do. That doesn't mean I am not happy here though. I love my life here in Israel dispite the challanges.

Our second oldest son Tyler, and his wife Leeraz, will be soon flying over the ocean to America. This will be her first time there. She was granted a one year visa. He intends to work for Michael Rood. I am excited for them to have this opportunity. Yet, I also know I will miss them. In telling my daughter in law what to expect, I realized that I do miss my friends and family, etc. (ssshhhh...I even miss Walmart! ) But the grief I have to see the country decline politically, morally, and economically makes me miss it a little less.

Recently the financial strain became so heavy that I found myself slipping into a temporary insanity moment of actually considering returning to America. I reasoned that we could work there much easier; we know the language, have skills, familiar with the culture. Gas wouldn't be $7 a gallon, cars are cheaper, insurance cheaper, and if my electric were about to be turned off I could still function. My mind began to toy with the idea of ease of life for us and the children, and the joy of being with loved ones. My tastebuds began to beg for Cracker Barrel. I could smell the wide open green hay fields of TN...I could see the faces of those I miss so much. I could hear english spoken everywhere and fully understood! sigh...for just a brief moment..I was back in my familiar comfort zone.

Then I snapped back into reality. I repented for shaking my fist at God and for complaining and crying the woe is me, to my generous and merciful Almighty Father. I call them ten minute pity parties. I warned my husband after we moved to the amish community, that if things got rough, and I had a pity party...just ignore me and I'd get over it. I did. And again I warned him this would happen here in Israel, and it has. I'm thankful he is wise in how he deals with me. And with how HE deals with me. Truth is, its rough everywhere. And if I have to suffer here or there, I'd chose here. I have a feeling that putting things into perspective, from what the prophesies predict...we are all in for much more suffering than most of us have ever known. So things just got a little brighter by keeping that in mind.

And anyway, now we are so mixed up...living in the land for 4.5 years has my children all fully reading writing and speaking in hebrew. Sometimes they have to struggle for a word in english. If we returned for any significant amount of time, it would be reverse culture shock on them! and Tim...what about Tim who still has 1.5 years of army left? naaa...wouldn't work to go back now. Thankfully I can talk myself out of it.

so what are we now? Israeli or American? When asked by the Israeli government, to write an explanation of why we wanted to make aliyah I emphasized that we intended to become Israeli, not Americans living in Israel. I think to some degree, this has become true. Even with the hardships, even for me not speaking the language, if you asked me the question, I'd say yes, I feel very Israeli. Even with all I miss or all we've suffered...it still feels right....still feels like home.

Genesis 12:1 Now get thee out of thy country from thy kindred, and go to a place that I will show you...